I think I'm slipping into one of my Depressions. This week has been really hard for me. It's a lot of things. I hate how one thing just makes it come just like that, though. And usually it's another thing out of the blue, no predicting what, that makes it go away again. God, I wish I could find that magic button to turn it off again.
Right now I just feel apathy, I dunno. But I am also getting angry & upset at everything. I have these up moments that are so good, but then I am left to stew, left to my own devices, and it's just a downward spiral from there. I wish I didn't take it out on everyone else. I wish I could just lock myself in my room with a good book and something sugary like candy or frosting and wait it out. I hate what I see myself doing and saying, and yet there seems to be no way to stop it.
I'm sorry, to everyone I'm hurting right now. Or just being downright mean or unfair to. I know I have said some bad things, but I never feel like they are unfounded things, even if they are said in the wrong way because right now I don't have the ability to temper them with common sense or normal emotion. Everything right now is heightened, especially my emotions. Mostly the bad ones.
TITLE: The Plot Against America
AUTHOR: Philip Roth