Fortunately, I didn't yet have to actually face that scenario: I climbed into bed and still Dan didn't move a muscle, so I allowed myself to touch his shoulder. To my immense relief, he half-turned toward me, and I felt like collapsing from the release of tension. He barely noticed the disturbance, but I breathed deeply and cried quiet tears of relief to myself. I wanted to wrap my arms around his breathing torso - my proof, by touch - and fall asleep the way he holds me so often. Protective. I was feeling protective of him.
But I didn't want to disturb him again, so I just lay with a finger here, an ankle there, something always in contact with his heartbeat. I needed that small assurance. I eventually fell asleep listening to our pulses converse through my fingertips.
Okay, so I "beautified" this encounter a bit, to make it more story-like - but it really did happen like that last night. I just prettied it up. And yes, I know - I tend to work myself up over nothing. I have got a lot to work on in that area.
In other news, it's been doing this all day:
Which, if you can't tell from the terrible photo, is both sun (right side of the picture) and snow (you can see some flakes in front of the brick on the left). God can't seem to decide what he wants the weather to be. I took that sitting at my desk - that's the view out my window.
I need to get back to work. xoxo
TITLE: Trans-Sister Radio
AUTHOR: Chris Bohjalian
TITLE: Feminism Without Borders
AUTHOR: Chandra Talpade Mohanty