Monday, June 04, 2007

rainy day blues

I'm in such a funk. I feel like I just want to start the whole year over. I managed to lock myself out this morning, so I had to slog through the rain in my quickly-soaked jeans and sweatshirt and slippery flip-flops (I hadn't realized it was raining until after I had locked the door behind myself on my way out) to pick up the key from Bethany all the way over in the financial district. She really saved my life, as I couldn't have worked until I could get back in. Ugh. I know I am just feeling sorry for myself this morning, but I don't feel like anything is going right, these days. It's like I turned off at the wrong exit on the highway a few months ago, and can't seem to get myself back on the right road. I feel like nothing is in my control right now, in my life. I hate that feeling. I want control back. How do I get it back??

6 comments:

Marsha Brofka-Berends said...

I'm so sorry to read this and not sure what to tell you. "Hang in there--things will get better" sounds trite, but the sentiment is genuine. Maybe one way to regain a sense of control is to start small: choose one thing in your life that you can control and work on that, then move on to something else? I hope you're feeling better soon--do post an update.

wenders said...

Ugh. I hate those 'phases'. I know exactly what you're talking about... I've had days where being locked out would reduce me to being a sniveling heap on the step to the building. Have a cup of tea and... well, wait out the storm. :)

DavePress said...

just sucks man. I've been having those phases the last week since I haven't gotten a 30,000 a year job. Kind of depressed. But that's the story of my life.

Bethany said...

i love you.

sarahk said...

yipes.. believe you me, i'd be in the SAME mood if that happened to me! rather lost for words right now (and just IMAGINING how sucky that must've felt)- BIG HUGS!!-- i really have to hand it to marsha, for what sounds like a very good perspective.. i've also felt that things were spiraling out of control before. but what i didn't realize is that i wasn't powerless to it all. i just had to take back my life, and figure out how to best work out each issue / come to terms with it. it fit in quite nicely with a feminist outlook.. that we owe it to ourselves.. in this one life.. to be happy. my very long-winded way of saying.. i am totally here for you with whatever may come.. but mostly, i really admire how strong you are! if i don't say anything sometimes, it's only because i don't know what to say other than that i'm thinking about you (the obvious) and am here. :) not everyone wants or needs my two cents. i'd rather be a shoulder to turn to rather than always so annoyingly "give advice." because you are smart and totally capable at best handling your own situation!!

Jeanette said...

I am sorry! I wish I had some advice for you on how to get back onto the right road, but, unfortunately, I don't. Good luck finding the path again.