I think part of it is coming down from the drugs, and probably actually being on them, it's heightened my emotions a ton. But also I dunno I was so upset yesterday because Dan lost my keys (yeah, all of them) and wasn't able to find them, and I got all upset because I felt like he made minimal effort, and then a lot of other things about how not adult I feel like he is sometimes came out, and we had this long discussion where I basically attacked him. And yet I still don't feel any better this morning, after having fallen asleep crying at like 9 or 10 o'clock. Ugh. I love Dan so much but I'm just so scared that I can't count on him. And I don't want to have to be responsible for both of us! It's hard enough for me to just take care of myself.
I don't know what to do. I really, really want to get this apartment with him, I'm so excited. But I hate that I am also scared out of my mind that we are going to be constantly plagued by financial troubles! It sucks how badly money issues can ruin a relationship, and I don't want to see that happen to ours. But I feel like Dan really has to get his act together. I'm so scared.
Today my sisters are coming home, and the family is going out for a birthday dinner for me - much delayed, I know, but this is the first time we've been all together since! I hope at least that can perk me up, a bit.
TITLE: A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again
AUTHOR: David Foster Wallace