Saturday, May 21, 2005

i'm sad today

I think part of it is coming down from the drugs, and probably actually being on them, it's heightened my emotions a ton. But also I dunno I was so upset yesterday because Dan lost my keys (yeah, all of them) and wasn't able to find them, and I got all upset because I felt like he made minimal effort, and then a lot of other things about how not adult I feel like he is sometimes came out, and we had this long discussion where I basically attacked him. And yet I still don't feel any better this morning, after having fallen asleep crying at like 9 or 10 o'clock. Ugh. I love Dan so much but I'm just so scared that I can't count on him. And I don't want to have to be responsible for both of us! It's hard enough for me to just take care of myself.

I don't know what to do. I really, really want to get this apartment with him, I'm so excited. But I hate that I am also scared out of my mind that we are going to be constantly plagued by financial troubles! It sucks how badly money issues can ruin a relationship, and I don't want to see that happen to ours. But I feel like Dan really has to get his act together. I'm so scared.

Today my sisters are coming home, and the family is going out for a birthday dinner for me - much delayed, I know, but this is the first time we've been all together since! I hope at least that can perk me up, a bit.

Currently Reading:

TITLE: A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again
AUTHOR: David Foster Wallace

Friday, May 20, 2005

what's up

I realized I hadn't written in a while, although there's really not all that much to say...oh wait, YES there is!! Lemme start way back on Saturday...Dan and I got a kind of late start driving up to Boston, but when we got there we had no trouble parking at Riverside (well, besides that I was breaking the rules & wanted to park for 2 overnights & one day, since I was going to be staying until Monday evening) and hopping on the D line, inbound. We got off the train at Park Street so we could stop at Downtown Crossing to do a quick bit of shopping (Dan was cold & wanted a shirt; I needed to buy some nail polish remover in anticipation of my surgery; I had forgotten to remove my nail- and toe-polish earlier in the week like I had intended). In any case, we arrived at Bethany's apartment and didn't do much beyond eat and hang out, but that was just fine with us because we were exhausted and starving.

The next day, Bethany had an awesome little birthday brunch for me, with several of the awesome people she knows that live in the city. Ashu, Kevin, Claudia, Veronica, and Sarah showed up, yay! We made fruit salad and French toast (out of baguettes, which is the best) and ate cannolis and an awesome ricotta-blueberry cheesecake Bethany had baked for me. Yum! At around 1 Dan and I had a pretty last-minute appointment to meet up with a North End realtor, who had a few places to show us. I hadn't been expecting to do much actual looking at places that weekend, since most apartments hadn't even completed all of their rent-renewals yet, and I had been told several times to call back in June or even July! But we met up with Steven, who showed us 3 really great places, and by our walk back to Bethany's, Dan and I had pretty much decided on the second one we had seen! Whew - fastest apartment-buying I've EVER done - we called Steven back, he agreed to meet us again to show us and Bethany the place, and we hung out for a bit while we filled out the applications and chatted about the North End. Yay! The place rocks, and thankfully Dan's bad credit didn't even have to factor in - they just looked at mine.

So, I will try to keep this short, but I can't stop raving about the place - we are on the top (I believe it's the 5th) floor, which is actually awesome because the 2 apartments on the top floor each have their own *private roof deck*! Meaning, there's the roof, and we each have half. The decks are both actual decks, outfitted with wood planks and everything, and there is actually a working sink up there, which runs throughout the summer months! That was one of the first selling points, but wait, it gets better: we also have a pretty large kitchen with a built-in kitchen table, lots of storage, a skylight, TWO sinks, TWO ranges, and a grill! The bathroom, unfortunately, has no bathtub (something I had wanted, but I'll get over) but does have another skylight (this one clouded glass) and holds our own washer & dryer units! It's small, but functional. Then there is the living room & 2 bedrooms off of it, which aren't huge but are also functional. We'll use one as the bedroom and the other as our office/guest room, when needed. The apartment actually reminds everyone of a log cabin; it's got a lot of kind of dark wood, exposed brick, and wood floors. Anyway, we love it! I can't wait to move in on September 1...! For now, though, we have to start scraping money together to pay the fees and such...

So that was good news, because on Monday morning while we were all eating lunch (well, everyone else was; I wasn't allowed to eat anything after midnight on Sunday because of anethesia worries), I got a call from Steven telling us we had the place! Sweet - now we just have to sign a few forms, mail in a few checks, and wait until September! :) (I'll have to crash at my parents' for a month, but it's definitely worth it.) Anyway, then Monday I had the operation to remove the 5 (!) screws from my hip, post periacetabular-osteotomy. Everything was successful, and even recovery went smoothly! I was sent home pretty quickly, and Mom and Dad got me settled in bed and with my drugs for the night. Not bad. :)


The rest of this week has mostly been a combination of Druggy Arianna (Dilauded!) trying to do some work, napping a whole lot, reading a whole lot, and having awesome friends like Marsha & Jen stop by (and Tanya would have, but I passed out before she called! sorry!). I have watched more TV in the past few days than I have all year, which isn't actually saying much - maybe 5 hours in all, tops. But thankfully it doesn't make me want to go back to it anytime soon...

Well, that's pretty much caught everything up...I feel like I had more to say, but right now I can't think of it. For now, I'm gonna go try to get some more work done. I'll add more later if I'm up to it.

For now, ciao!

Currently Reading:

TITLE: Almost French
AUTHOR: Sarah Turnbull

Friday, May 13, 2005

just a quick update

Well I'm here in CT (have been since last Tuesday night), and am prepping for my weekend in Boston, mostly. Dan and I will be looking for apartments, and then on Monday is surgery day; I'll be getting my screws out! Yay! I am looking forward to that...not the op itself, but the subsequent not-having-large-metal-objects-installed-in-your-hip feeling. You know how it is.

Currently Reading:

TITLE: Smashed
AUTHOR: Koren Zailckas


TITLE: Game Coding Complete
AUTHOR: Mike McShaffry

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I've decided to take a break from A People's History because I really need to let each part of that book sink in a bit before I can continue on to the next...but I've picked up Slaughterhouse-Five in the interim. I am reading a copy from 1969 (my father's), so the cover pictured here is inaccurate: while I knew that the ISBN had only been adopted relatively recently, I didn't realize that it was adhered to by the U.S. only since 1970! Unfortunately, this version of Slaughterhouse-Five didn't make the cut...hehe.

Tuesday night, Dan and I went to see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a movie I've been anticipating for a long time...I have to say, while in the theater, I was terribly disappointed. I have read the book, and loved it of course, but I had no idea what was going on, and I felt like so much of the stuff in the movie wasn't even familiar! So I was rather upset. However, I went home and took a look around the IMDb message boards and remembered that Douglas Adams had helped work on the changed screenplay, and that it was partly how he wanted it (of course it was changed somewhat after he died, too) and I was definitely reassured that I wasn't going crazy when I realized that the John Malkovitch part HAD just been added in with no relation to the book whatsoever! So, I'm kind of reconsidering what I thought of the flick. I think I'll have to see it again before I make any solid judgments. It was a fun ride, but I just don't know how I feel about it...the jury is still out, for me.

Then last night we went to see xXx: State of the Union and I have to say I enjoyed it! I know it got terrible ratings & did so poorly in the box office (they say because people were disappointed not to see Vin in the lead role again...I don't know what that says about moviegoers these days...), but I thought it was just a fun, thoughtless action movie. And I think Ice Cube is great. :) I hadn't seen the first Triple-X, so I've no idea how to compare it as a sequel, but like I said it was a pretty hot movie, for what it was. And for having been dragged there by Dan. It's interesting that I never usually WANT to go see action movies in the theaters, but when I am there I always have a good time. I liked the hot cars and the guns and the fight scenes and all of that fun stuff. What can I say, maybe I have bad taste, but I think I really am something of a sucker for those big-screen nonstop action kinds of movies...they're all in good fun. I am not saying they deserve Oscars, but of course they can be taken at face value, for what they are worth: I'd say a fun diversion.

Currently Reading:

TITLE: Slaughterhouse-Five
AUTHOR: Kurt Vonnegut


TITLE: Game Coding Complete
AUTHOR: Mike McShaffry

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

i'm crafty...

I was particularly proud of the birthday card I made for my friend Amy (whose birthday falls one day before my upcoming one! yay!)...I know it looks kinda lame, but it's been a LONG while since I've done anything remotely collage-like, and I had a ton of fun with this one. Although I had to also get it done rather quickly...but I cut letters out of a magazine and then made them into stickers with my sticker-maker, then stuck them (along with a few added stickers for an extra decorative & pretty touch) onto a card. I hope Amy likes the package I am mailing her...



p.s. I will try to put even more photos up on this site to make it fun!! I just haven't had my phone on me recently...

Currently Reading:

TITLE: A People's History of the United States
AUTHOR: Howard Zinn


TITLE: Game Coding Complete
AUTHOR: Mike McShaffry

Monday, May 02, 2005

hell yes.

Haha! Check this out: Butlers in the Buff

No Warning, No Reason

I saw this on one of my friend's AIM profiles just now, and I think it's an amazing poem, that it speaks to exactly what a lot of us women feel when a boy we loved leaves us. I won't go into specifics with myself, but yeah... If this Michael Ryan character is a boy, I have to say "wow", because how in the world does he have such a great idea of what we go through?? He would be one I wouldn't mind dating...haha.

This poem by Michael Ryan appeared in the New Yorker (no idea of the date):

“No Warning No Reason”
Because he left her she must make him someone she doesn't love, rescripting as deception their hand-clasped walks at dusk when she felt his was the hand of God linking her to him because she was so blessed to be given this love this late in life. It must have been lies: each touching word, all thoughtfulness, his shows of pleasure putting her first, his endearing sex talk that first amused her then go to her (his hot moist breath the poison in her ear) as he learned with seemingly selfless patience how to move inside her as no one ever had before. How can she change memories like these? He must have been lying because the man who did these things could not leave her with no warning or reason. But she knows he wasn't, she is stuck. No one can help her. No one can enter the sacred circle they made together she now wears as a necklace of fire. How can she obliterate the person he is? What is she to do? She has to live.

Currently Reading:

TITLE: A People's History of the United States
AUTHOR: Howard Zinn


TITLE: Game Coding Complete
AUTHOR: Mike McShaffry

Sunday, May 01, 2005

My goal this spring, besides getting the screws taken out of my hip, is to learn how to spin wool into yarn - at this place, I think. I'm gonna drag Dan down there with me onna these days this spring...

Currently Reading:

TITLE: A People's History of the United States
AUTHOR: Howard Zinn


TITLE: Game Coding Complete
AUTHOR: Mike McShaffry