Tuesday, August 05, 2008


I feel really awful today because I'm being really bitchy, due to being extremely overtired. Which is ridiculous of me, because the reason for me being exhausted makes me really very happy. But unfortunately the happy didn't manage to cancel out the feeling I had of being walked all over by a friend. When I realized that I was overreacting, it was too late, the damage was done. Now, I just am feeling crappy for how I acted, because I realize it was really irrational and unfair. I think sometimes my social anxiety kicks into overdrive, and I lash out because I'm not sure how to be. I know I should be friendly & happy, especially to people I don't know well who have no idea why I'm in a lousy mood, but unfortunately sometimes I even take it out on them. And when I'm tired, I don't always have the energy to put on the requisite super-friendly act. I try always to do so when it comes to complete strangers - people in the service industry, for instance - but I think I can sometimes be terribly unfair to acquaintances who have never had to deal with an angry me before. Sometimes it comes out of left field and really throws people for a loop - because 90% of the time, I can be upbeat and cheerful as necessary. But when I'm off, I'm off - and unfortunately, people pay. I'm sorry.

I'm going to try to catch up on sleep tonight so hopefully I'm not quite so cranky tomorrow, but it'll be hard what with it being Tanya's birthday, and having a friend in from out of town for one night only! xo

Currently Reading:

TITLE: The Brambles
AUTHOR: Eliza Minot

TITLE: Bleak House
AUTHOR: Charles Dickens

1 comment:

Jeanette said...

Hey, I know it is a bit late, but I am sorry that you had a bad day (or days) I hope that things are better now.

Come up to Boston!!!