hip woman

My hips aren't doing so well these days, and I'm getting really scared. I have been in pain almost every single day, some more bothersome than others. I am using my cane all the time, of course, but I hate to have to. I don't feel like I could go very far without it, though. I'm so frustrated; things had been going so well with them. But I am terrified that my doctor's going to tell me that next up for me is a total hip replacement. At 26. I'll see him in mid-November; that was the earliest appointment I could schedule with him, unfortunately. I guess I'll just get by until then.

This morning's commute was especially killer; the D line train was only 1 car long today instead of its usual 2, and that of course made for a crowded ride already. I certainly hope they aren't moving to that format to "cut costs" or anything, because that was just awful. People couldn't even get in the door I was standing near, it was so packed! But the worst part was that I had to stand all the way from Government Center to Longwood. I was standing right in front of this guy who was in the seat that indicates that one should give it up for people with crutches or canes or other reasons they'd need to sit, right? But I'm never going to ask someone to move. I usually don't even take a seat when someone offers it, but it is nice that people are courteous enough to ask. This guy, though? Didn't even look up, he just hunched even further over his computer, which he spent the entire train ride basically showing off. He had a tablet PC, and I wanted to be like, "Dude, you're not special just because you can write on your screen. Could you please just let me have your seat? I know you can't demonstrate your 'awesomeness' while standing up, but I'm sure the world can survive for one more day without seeing that." I probably should have asked for the seat, but I just couldn't bring myself to. Clearly, as Mike says, I can sometimes be too nice. I get walked all over. But I mean, come on. Is it that hard to be nice & give up your train seat for one morning? The guy was clearly not in need of it (save to display how damn cool he was using his tablet); he was probably a few years younger than me. And he pissed me off even more because he was this businessman in a suit & tie. They always tend to be inconsiderate jerks, at least in my experience.

Sorry, I just needed to rant. I didn't used to often need a seat; in fact, I have given up my seat at times to people who looked like they needed them even more, even when I was using my cane. But when I do need to sit, as much as I feel badly about it, I will gratefully accept an offered space.

I think I'm also coming down with something, which doesn't help me feel any better; when I finally did get to collapse into a seat today, I didn't even bother reading the rest of the paper, I just napped the rest of the ride. That's very not like me. But I'm feeling so under the weather.

I need things to get better, soon. I feel like everything is just spiraling out of my control. I don't like it. It scares the hell out of me. But I don't know what to do.

At least they were handing out free samples of Advil on the way into the train this morning. Painkillers are always welcome, haha. xoxo